Music the International Language

Rap strangely spells and sounds like rape. Was it done on purpose or was it dictated by the usually violent content to our ears and to women and children? It is now part of the culture, encountering no resistance or outrage, while Trump’s alpha male rants of the past, much less violent, still shock. Give me a break!

In French this vile word means Viol. Why is that also the name of a gentle and soothing music instrument? beats me. There is a whole family here from baby violin to aunt viol (viola) to uncle viola de gamba, to daddy violoncelle and Jeddo contrebasse. Some say that Stradivarius designed the violin after a woman’s body. Don’t know which woman, but apparently she kept eating and eating, hence the other sizes that came about. This still does not explain the strange linguistic proximity between violent(ce) viol(on) and viol(rape). Bref les jeux de mots c’est mon Violon d’Ingres.

Je n’ai pas l’habiterude de jouer du violon sur mon cordon ombilical (ce qui se traduit en Arabe par le mot   عن qui sonne comme le violon et veut dire se plaindre). Je laisse ce privilège aux choeurs de l’armée rouge avec leurs voix de basses très profonde: Kalinka, Kalinka, Kalinka Moyal Калинка, Калинка, Калинка моиал. Une autre chanson russe très “ombilicale” c’est: Отшет Сонуа (prononcée en Arabe: عطصت صونيا   qui veut dire Sonia a éternué, pas du tout le sense “blues” de la chanson russe).

La Country music Américaine et les “blues” sont le plus souvent joués à la guitare. Cependant ils illustrent le jeu de violon sur le cordon ombilical, Leurs notes de guitare sont assez hautes; ce n’est pas (El) Cordonbas.qui a mal-a-gueña.

Les instruments de brasse, comme la trompette, sont les plus machos dans l’orchestre. Ils ont des “Brass balls” comme disent les Américains. On les entends “sonner” dans leurs culottes quand ils essaient les notes très hautes, car bien sûr ils sont presque tous males. La petite histoire raconte que souvent ils trompe(ttent) les violonistes, en titillant leurs ombilics.

Les joueuses de Flute sont toujours en rut majeur…et vaccinées. Elles disent zut aux trompetistes mais aiment les percussionistes. Elles taillent une pipeau à leurs piccolo (petite trompette) zizis. Elles n’y vont pas mollo. Souvent c’est illico presto entre deux intermezzos. Les hapistes aussi aiment se faire harponner par les percussionistes qui leur percutent savamment les fesses. Cela provoque des “cat fights” dans l’orchestre, et plus les filles s’arrachent les cheveux plus les mises montent. C’est acharné mais pas sanglant parce que les ongles de ces musichiennes doivent être courts.

Finally come the horn players, English and French. I do not know why they called their instruments “horn”. I only have three possible explanations: 1) its comes from horned animals like a bull that ram into you, because their instruments are so big, e.g. the tuba); 2) they have horns on their heads because they are cuckolded when they travel too often: 3) horn comes from horny because they are in heat all the time comme des chauds lapins.

Les conducteurs mènent tout ce beau monde au bàton et l’orgie démarre en trombe. Les cris de crescendos sont suivit d’allegrissimo, ensuite c’est l’adagio des joueurs de piano ma non troppo. La cacaphonie est en plein climax, le bâton monte au max mais ne monte plus…il n’y a plus rien à faire. Le conducteur s’est fait boire sa coupe jusqu’à l’hallali.

Ma philosophie: make music not war! Dégainez vos pipeaux et rengainez vos épées. Frappez vos tambourins et non pas vos voisins! F… the harpist do not pluck her strings!

Now I will wrap this solliloquy that started with rap and ended on a much nicer tone.

What is COMmon to many languages is the COMfortable starting point

Learning a new language often generates anxiety, fear of the unknown. Thus it is essential to instil a considerable degree of comfort into the experience. Since fear of the unknown is the instigator, then alleviate that by drawing on similarities between languages.

My 7 year old  son is learning French in a US private school but shies away anytime I ask him something in French. Recently I have started with asking him to spell English words ending with table, tion, sion then having him pronounce those very same words in French pointing out that both meaning and spelling are the same. Pronunciation v. Meaning and spelling, that is one unknown against two known: le tour est joué, comme on dit en Français!

Comfort also comes in other ways like when the word sounds very much like the act it descrribes. Arabic is replete of such instances and I will demonstrate a few that worked well with my 10 year old Joey.

جوي غطص في المغطص و عطص

(Joey ghatasa fi al maghtas wa зtasa) which means that Joey jumped into the bathtub and sneezed. Compare the Arabic and English sentences and how much more directly descriptive of the action down to the “splash” in the water and the AATCHOUM for зtasa the Arabic sentence is. Also bathtub and the action of jumping into it are practically the same word in Arabic. Another source of comfort: less memorization needed.

Another quick example: the cat attacks and the mouse flees under the bed (in Arabic: Al herr farra wara al fara taht al takht).

فرى الهر وراء الفارا تحت التخت

Clearly the Arabic sentence is much more descriptive and phonetically pleasing with herr/farra/fara and taht/takht. Again easier to memorize because of those characteristics.

Another phonetic Arabic classic اكل الكوسى موسى (Akala Al Koosa Moosa), meaning Moses ate the zucchini, sounds so much musical in arabic.

Russian has the “KH” in common with Arabic and the “J” in common with French.

Yet Russian is notorious for the use of too many letters (36 in their alphabet) especially consonants. A glaring example is the word half: In Arabic it is the shortest ) نصNos); in English (half), longer; in French moitié, even longer; in Russian половина (Polovinia), longest! Logically a word meaning half is expected to be short! No wonder the Arabs invented Algebra.

Cross-language calembours could be really comical. For example ХАРАЧО (Kharashow) could mean hot (chaud in French) shit (Khara in Arabic).